awakenerd | Aurora - Rean Heart

He gets his hand kissed for the trouble.

"What do you want to know?"

Mostly I'm curious about you. You keep a lot to yourself... and it's not like I'm any different, but I can't help but be curious.

[ He pauses, then adds-- ]

For what it's worth, you're free to look into anything you want if the situation is ever reversed.

[ He's not a hypocrite! Usually, at least. ]

"Okay. But you're free to do as you like too."

You know... I think I prefer having your permission to poke around.

[ Like, he probably would have anyway, but it's nicer if it won't upset Rean. ]

"You already had it. You're my Awakener. But you're also dear to me."

I may be your Awakener, but I never want to use that against you. It's an equal partnership all the way-- which means I want you to always have the power to say "no" to me if that's what you want.

"Yeah. I know."

Good.

[ Crow kisses Rean's jaw. ]

Mind if I ask you some questions, then?

"Ask away."

I definitely know you don't remember everything by a long shot, but... am I right that you underplay how much you do? Not lying precisely so much as just glossing over or avoiding mentioning it.

"Well... Yes." Guilty as charged.

[ He's not really surprised. He'd wondered before. ]

So... is there any reason why?

[ He's not interested in chasing down any memory Rean doesn't feel like sharing on his own, but it's the "why" he's really been wondering. ]

"A lot of what I remember isn't that relevant. Some of it's very sad. And it's all... Just things that have happened in the past, to me.

Some of it would probably be upsetting to you or Randy or others. I don't really want to upset you, so there's no reason to bring things up."

Rean...

[ Crow squeezes his hand. ]

You know how you want to be there for me, to help me whenever I'm troubled, to listen to me when I need someone? Not to keep everything bottled inside?

"That's different."

How is it different?

"Because you matter."

[ Rean had to have known Crow wouldn't be happy with that answer and sure enough, he's not happy. He's trying very hard to stay calm on the surface but he knows Rean knows. ]

You know, I think you're missing one very important detail when you say things like that.

"I know you care about me."

It's not just that you care about me, that you matter to me. Although you know-- you do. But I want to be there for you every bit as much as you want to be there for me. I want you to feel like you can confide in me, that you can tell me things. I want to upset me with those things. I don't care just about the good things or the pleasant ones.

"I don't want to burden you. I know I'm a hypocrite. But... You do so much for me. Asking for any more... I can't. It's not that I think you're only interested in the good things or happy times. I have never once even considered that.

You're already always there looking out for me. At my age shouldn't it be the other way around?

Even if you disagree with that, I still don't want you to spend your time worrying about me."

[ Crow is quiet for a moment, locks up some feeling in his heart before it has a chance to fully form. ]

....Then I hope you understand when I start taking my memories on my own.

[ It'll take longer to regain them that way, but... ]

It's not like I want to worry you, either.

"..."

His heart doesn't try to hide the confused hurt here.

"That's not what I..."

[ He feels that confused hurt and he genuinely feels bad about it, but he tries to keep himself steady. ]

If you don't trust me, that's fine.

[ It's not like he isn't aware he can be shady as hell! ]

But you know... it's kinda painful to keep putting myself out there. And it feels pretty one-sided when I'm the only one who relies on you, when you don't rely on me back. So I'm keeping it equal.

I won't ask more of you than you can give me.

"...?"

He's even more upset, and more confused too, sitting up to look at Crow.

"I do trust you though."

But this is bad. He's hurt Crow. He doesn't know what to do about it either. He's also trying to keep calm but the fact that Crow is withdrawing from him emotionally here of all places, with him, is making him a little pale.

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