awakenerd | Aurora - Rean Heart

[ Crow's more than happy to hold Rean as long as he wants to be held. ]

Alright. I'll try to be clear about what I need. I don't want to make you second-guess that, not if I can help it.

[ He kisses Rean's forehead this time, letting loose a steady stream of love towards Rean. ]

....You know, I had a crazy impulsive thought for a moment there but the timing would've been shit. Remind me sometime when things have calmed down to bring it up. If you remember to on the "outside."

He sighs and presses his face to Crow's neck, greedily soaking in the love like a cat in a sunbeam. He's giving just as much love back, it's less calm than it was when Crow got here, still pretty frazzled, but no less intense and sincere. And calmer by far than a few minutes ago.

"I definitely want to know now ... but before that I want to clear something up. Earlier I really did upset you. I hurt you badly too.

I don't want to ignore that just because I got scared." No matter how legitimate his meltdown he's not going to gloss over Crow"s also legitimate hurt.

[ He's just going to keep projecting love at Rean, intense and unwavering and sincere. ]

It.... did hurt. You already said it, it's hard for me to be open and vulnerable. So even though I doubt you meant it that way, the idea that it wouldn't go both ways... well, it sucked. A lot. I guess even if I know there's reasons not to trust me, I still want it.

"It really has nothing to do with trusting you. I already trust you completely.

The only reason I didn't want to be blunt... well I know you won't like it."

But if Crow takes his reluctance as mistrust it's better to say something Crow will hate he supposes.

"It's because I don't think I'm worth the time. Not because I don't think it's safe to be vulnerable with you."

[ Rean's right, Crow's really not a fan of that. He's still projecting that steady stream of love, even if there's some layers of being vexed in there now. ]

You know, you need to be kinder to yourself. I wouldn't have been so interested in contracting with you, wouldn't love you if you weren't entirely worth it to me. And I don't believe those feelings mean only caring about some parts of you. I wanna make every part of you feel cared for, even the parts of you that don't feel worth it.

"At least before we focus on me... does that clear it up for you? I'm not distrusting you. I never have."

[ Crow nods once, seriously. ]

Yeah, that does make me feel better actually.

[ Sincerity. More love and affection and fondness. ]

"Good. If I'm ever reluctant it's because of my own issues.

I trust you with my soul and my heart. I don't ever want you to feel doubt for that."

I'll try to remember that.

[ He's still holding onto Rean, but he tries to shift so he can kiss the inside of Rean's wrist. ]

Rean sighs, softly, at the kiss. More a relaxed noise than anything, and he curls his fingers with Crow's, lifting his head.

"And I'll try to be less evasive. Just... remind me.

...I love you so much Crow."

I'll remind you. I'll even poke you if necessary. ....Gently.

[ He kisses Rean again, this one softly on the lips. ]

I love you too, old man.

[ It's gently teasing, but also he means it. ]

He laughs, surprised, taking Crow's hand and pulling it so Crow is stuck against him, returning the light kiss.

"Don't you know to respect your elders...?"

He then presses Crow's palm to his chest. To feel his steady heartbeat. Crow can already feel the ridiculously sincere, genuine, in loveness from Rean.

"So... What was your idea?"

Nope! But I know how to care for 'em.

[ He winks at Rean, closing his eyes to feel the heartbeat underneath his hand. ]

Before I tell you the idea, let me just state for the record I know it would've been a bad idea under the circumstances. Like I said, shit timing.

[ But he doesn't think it's a bad idea altogether is the implication. ]

"Okay. Noted."

He's rubbing his thumb over the back of Crow's hand, not forcing him to stay but as long as Crow doesn't pull away he's enjoying this.

And waiting for this idea curiously.

[ Crow is enjoying the sensations so his hand is staying where it is for now. ]

Weee~eell, I had this thought-- "Maybe if I propose to him, he'll understand how much he means to me."

Crow can feel the way Rean's heart kind of stops and then starts pounding faster. It's not like he's hiding the shock either. It's just, it takes him a moment to even react really, Crow's caught him so off-guard.

And then he does, go through... A range of expressions.

Finally the uh, extremely tumultuous emotions settle on soft and in love and happy.

"How am I supposed to react to that..."

He says having reacted. A lot.

"You got your point across."

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1/?

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done