awakenerd | Aurora - Rean Heart

He tilts his head, watching Dusk with a quiet solemnity. This version has more... Dignity. A sort of Ye Old Warrior vibe.

"You have regrets. All men may find themselves tested in ways they never expected. A human's capacity to change, for good or ill, is nigh limitless.

But I will consider a further test, even if it may not change how circumstances push others, it never hurts to ask one to consider the limits they are willing to go to."

[He tenses, a flare of defensiveness and self loathing.] ...not sure I'm gonna get used to that. And if it was a test, I failed it pretty spectacularly.

....it is easier. To go further the first time if you never thought about it before. [He thinks. He hopes.] It's like the concept about slowly boiling a...frog, I think.

If you steadily raise the temperature of the water, it'll never realize what's happening until it's far too late. If they're challenged on how far they're willing to go before they get there, it'll be easier to spot self justification for what it is.

"Yes. I do think the same. Considering your actions and your potential actions before you must make them may prevent reacting in ways you did not consider.

May, but will not always.

One cannot know every eventuality, every emotion for the future. How far you will truly go in any situation, even if you consider how far you would wish to beforehand."

Yeah.

And maybe that way, you'll have more ground to talk them out of it.

To not be hurt like that again.

"It cannot hurt."

He's quiet a moment, considering Dusk.

"I cannot absolve you of your own guilt. But I can listen if you so wish."

If I'm going to have this conversation, I don't want to have it in your soul.

It's your soul, I should focus on you. And talking about how I was a horrible person probably isn't the best thing to do here anyway?

"Perhaps, perhaps not. It won't color my affection for you, though it may make me believe you harbor more resentment for yourself than you do. Or believe you harbor the right amount, I suppose? It is hard to say."

Yeah, none of that is reassuring.

Maybe it should affect your affection. If you let yourself be mad when people are cruel. Spite can be a great motivator, and maybe it'll push you think of more ways to head off that stuff from happening.

It's their fault for going so far, but if you're going to be stuck anyway, anything that might push you could help.

"It is not that I do not get angry..."

But do you let that color your affection for someone whose gone off the deep end?

Edited 2020-02-11 23:01 (UTC)

"If I did, than I would never deserve to be loved myself."

There's a different between being deserving of love and not being a dick to someone important to you.

"Perhaps. Even so... Even when I am angry at someone, or cannot condone their actions, I would rather think the best of them to the end."

Edited 2020-02-11 23:18 (UTC)

That's also not mutually exclusive.

But if someone is going to hurt you, if they're not going to care about you, then they don't deserve your love. That's the thing about relationships. They're supposed to be give and take and if they won't give to you, you don't have to give to them.

If they'll give to someone else, then they have that, but it's fine to care about your own heart too, you know?

He kind of smiles.

"Thank you. I appreciate what you say. I also think that's usually logical."

And unusually?

"Sometimes people can care a lot about each other but have to clash because their ideals and methods are not compatible. That is a common thing even among people with free will."

There's a difference between clash of ideals and 'go murder this town for me and you don't get to say no.'

[FUCK that guy.]

"....Yes. And yet, I cannot hate him."

But that's what I'm saying. That isn't disagreement. That's him doing something that would hurt you without considering you.

That isn't just having different opinions. That's him believing it's okay to hurt you.

"Technically, that isn't wrong. I am a tool. If you kill with a sword it shouldn't argue back.

But I am also a person. I do know this. It does muddy the waters a bit.

Ultimately, however, I take my life force from my Awakeners in exchange for offering them my power. There is no part of the contract that allows them to rescind their connection to me, or for me to deny them their path. I will not claim anything so foolish as 'not being human doesn't make me a person' or the like.

But entirely free will is also not part of what I am. I do not particularly have to like it, but I also choose not to resent it. I exist for a purpose, until that is fulfilled I will experience good and bad, I will be free and chained, I will see ugly and beautiful. There is far too much for me to love and far too little time awake to waste it on resentment."

....

I explained AI's to you, didn't I?

"Artificial Intelligence. Beings that aren't human that have a will. Right?"

Correct.

Partnered with a human to fight for a greater good. But it'd be easy to see them as just a tool. Something to use. Not a person, not a partner, just a thing.

I've been wondering if that's the key. If that's why things went wrong.

Somewhere along the way that was forgotten.

All these talents soldiers, people who believed in the greater good, suddenly lost the ability to fight. To help.

Even the will to.

I stopped caring about winning the war, saving huanity, those years in the hospital.

"What do you mean?"

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