You float in a void--darkness around you, above, below, in every direction, nothing. You stand on nothing, you even breathe nothing. But you do not feel in danger, you are not suffocating. You are simply existing in… Nothing.
Crow | Towa | Dusk | 80H | Rufus
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Re: Dusk
This argument is in the middle, it appears to have been escalating for a while, though until now it's just been words.
"How dare you!? You can't treat human lives as playthings!" Rean is raging, it's the angriest you've ever seen him, furious, slamming his hands on a table as he yells at a man--the same one who ordered him to annihilate a village. "People's lives aren't pieces on a board! This isn't chess, you can't just--"
His lecture is cut off, with a furious snarl, some internal command silences him and he glares.
"Will you kill me then yourself? To save the poor innocents? The longer this conflict drags on the more will die. You know that. This victory has shaved months, maybe years off this war. How many countless innocent lives saved? Your morality is limited, you think in such a personal scope. 'I'll save what's in front of me and think about the rest later'? Surely a knightly heroic ideal of the ages, but not one that will ultimately help anyone. Muddling through on chivalry might have worked in the past but this is the modern era."
Rean is furious enough that he breaks the table with a single blow, both of the halves hitting the wall to either side of the man. But he still cannot speak, the ability sealed by the other man's will. Across the bond there's only icy composure.
He grabs the man by the front of his shirt and yells across their telepathic link anyway. Demanding he never do something like this again. Everyone in that town was a civilian, innocent, blameless, children, no justification makes it any less a slaughter.
"This temper tantrum... You are just a weapon in this war. If you cannot accept that I'll help you."
The man stands, and over the bond they share, is a crushing force of will. Iron pressing down on Rean. Rean resists, for a long time, screaming across their telepathic link, trying to make the man see that people are lives worth protecting, not pieces, not necessary casualties. He doesn't argue what he himself is really, there's already part of him resigned. But it hurts when he feels that indeed, he has to obey. And there's a smugness from the man, just a little hint of sadistic satisfaction deeply buried but Rean can feel it, as he drops to his knees. There's a spark of madness in him, something desperate and cruel and hurt and Rean knows that too, even as the man struggles to contain it.
It's harder when they're connected. When Rean's still furious and mourning and guilty and experiencing a tempest of his own emotions. They're linked to each other so the other man's calm is cracking under the pressure of Rean's deep feelings of horror.
The man grabs him by the hair and yanks his head up, as Rean's eyes go a little duller.
"I will command and you will obey. Until you never, ever think of opposing me again."
He shoves Rean down and steps on his face, grinding it beneath his heel, the cold from before cracking, furious and fanatic. He needs control, and Rean is robbing it of him, so he will force it on Rean.
"Don't you dare ever question me again."
There seems to be more but the memory ends.
"There have been other incidents. Some more violent. Some more cruel. Some with lasting repercussions. Not all him of course. It is simply natural that sometimes, two people cannot come to accord, even when ultimately they both want the same outcome."
Re: Dusk
[He doesn't even know why, but as he sees the memory, he feels the clawing in his head of something mad/hurt/so very angry, coiling fingers around his thoughts, digging and twisting because it resonates and it resonates HARD.]
[He expected bad, he prepared for bad, he prrpared to be hurt and angry for Rean, he didn't expect the way two voices scream in his head.]
[He grabs Rean, desperate for an anchor, a scream tearing out from his throat as he hopes it vents what's in his mind.]
Re: Dusk
Rean wraps his arms around Dusk, holding him tightly, the kind of gently confining pressure that usually helps panicking animals. If Dusk lashes out that's fine, this is a part that's hard to hurt.
But there is... Calm in him, if Dusk doesn't outright reject it there's a sort of soothing pressure to his embrace. Not suppressing emotions, but projecting safety
"..."
Re: Dusk
[No, he needs grounding, he needs comfort, and a human presence is that. He may be holding on too tightly, but he is holding on, leaning into the comfort as he screams and breathes harshly, trying to get all that's in his head OUT, trying to calm the storm, and get himself together.]
[But safety....]
[Safety helps.]
[He's never had a lot of safety.]
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"You're all right. You're safe."
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[Takes a few minutes]
[The screams die down first, then the harsh breathing, and then the shaking that had started at some point. The last part is putting the pieces of his head back where they go because....fuck.]
That...
That hit a lot harder than I was expecting...
Which is saying something, I expected a truck.
[Breathless and quiet.]
Re: Dusk
"Yeah, I see that. I'm sorry."
Even he didn't anticipate that. He's keeping hold of Dusk though, gentle and concerned.
"Take your time."
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Takes a bit longer than normal for my fine, that's all.
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"I'm not surprised. You have a lot to deal with."
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You have a lot to deal with too.
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[There is a long few minutes he's just gonna. Sit here. Letting himself calm down. Process All That because that sucked a lot.]
[Then he looks up at Rean.]
[And then he's gonna shit and pull him into a proper hug instead of his clinging, shaking thing.]
Re: Dusk
"Sometimes fortunately."
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Let's be fair, you want to make my bad stuff better too.
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I mean, getting adopted by a bunch of probably insane substandard soldiers did wonders for my mental health.
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Family can be a strange thing that way. Comforting and bizarre and uplifting and what you make of it."
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[But....]
Your problem doesn't have so simple a solution.
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[Waves his hand in the air with the faded Command Seal.] I volunteered to be one of those people, remember? But that doesn't change the times that are bad.
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And no, it doesn't change those. But does it need to?"
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It means saying there's good moments doesn't mean the bad moments have to be just accepted like that.
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And maybe they don't have to be accepted... But they make up what and who I am. Even if I dislike some things I cannot reject what shapes me. I think you're much the same."
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Someone had to put in the effort and there's enough people who are stubbornly antisocial. [Blushing a tiny bit.]
And you still wouldn't be happy if I was content with the bad things, would you? [Raises an eyebrow.]
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"You do have me there. I would not be satisfied if you said you were content with such things."
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