awakenerd | Aurora - Rean Heart

"...I don't disagree."

Everything Dusk says is perfectly logical and correct.

I can hear a but.

"I suppose if there's any 'but' then... it's not really for me to decide how each new generation wants to steer the world. I gave up that right willingly.

Of course I'd rather be viewed as a person not a weapon. I'd rather people use compassion over cruelty. I'd like to be treated as a partner not a tool.

I am myself. I wish to be seen as such. Treated as such. Any person does, and while I may no longer be human I'm aware I'm no less a person.

But whatever happens... It won't help me to begrudge it."

....do you ever have fights with them? How do you handle the situation when it DOES happen?

"I argue or resist if I think the order is wrong. If they're reasonable we talk. If not... then I still have to do it.

I cannot harm my Awakeners. So I can only fight with words and will. But when it comes to that, I do fight."

....can you show me a memory of the worst fight you had with an Awakener?

He frowns slightly. It's not a refusal but he must ask.

"Are you certain?"

I'd rather know what I'm working with instead of assuming too much.

He lifts a hand and Dusk will see/experience:

This argument is in the middle, it appears to have been escalating for a while, though until now it's just been words.

"How dare you!? You can't treat human lives as playthings!" Rean is raging, it's the angriest you've ever seen him, furious, slamming his hands on a table as he yells at a man--the same one who ordered him to annihilate a village. "People's lives aren't pieces on a board! This isn't chess, you can't just--"

His lecture is cut off, with a furious snarl, some internal command silences him and he glares.

"Will you kill me then yourself? To save the poor innocents? The longer this conflict drags on the more will die. You know that. This victory has shaved months, maybe years off this war. How many countless innocent lives saved? Your morality is limited, you think in such a personal scope. 'I'll save what's in front of me and think about the rest later'? Surely a knightly heroic ideal of the ages, but not one that will ultimately help anyone. Muddling through on chivalry might have worked in the past but this is the modern era."

Rean is furious enough that he breaks the table with a single blow, both of the halves hitting the wall to either side of the man. But he still cannot speak, the ability sealed by the other man's will. Across the bond there's only icy composure.

He grabs the man by the front of his shirt and yells across their telepathic link anyway. Demanding he never do something like this again. Everyone in that town was a civilian, innocent, blameless, children, no justification makes it any less a slaughter.

"This temper tantrum... You are just a weapon in this war. If you cannot accept that I'll help you."

The man stands, and over the bond they share, is a crushing force of will. Iron pressing down on Rean. Rean resists, for a long time, screaming across their telepathic link, trying to make the man see that people are lives worth protecting, not pieces, not necessary casualties. He doesn't argue what he himself is really, there's already part of him resigned. But it hurts when he feels that indeed, he has to obey. And there's a smugness from the man, just a little hint of sadistic satisfaction deeply buried but Rean can feel it, as he drops to his knees. There's a spark of madness in him, something desperate and cruel and hurt and Rean knows that too, even as the man struggles to contain it.

It's harder when they're connected. When Rean's still furious and mourning and guilty and experiencing a tempest of his own emotions. They're linked to each other so the other man's calm is cracking under the pressure of Rean's deep feelings of horror.

The man grabs him by the hair and yanks his head up, as Rean's eyes go a little duller.

"I will command and you will obey. Until you never, ever think of opposing me again."

He shoves Rean down and steps on his face, grinding it beneath his heel, the cold from before cracking, furious and fanatic. He needs control, and Rean is robbing it of him, so he will force it on Rean.

"Don't you dare ever question me again."

There seems to be more but the memory ends.

"There have been other incidents. Some more violent. Some more cruel. Some with lasting repercussions. Not all him of course. It is simply natural that sometimes, two people cannot come to accord, even when ultimately they both want the same outcome."

[You know, its a rare time where Dusk sincerely admits he regrets his decisions, BUT YEAH, HE REGRETS.]

[He doesn't even know why, but as he sees the memory, he feels the clawing in his head of something mad/hurt/so very angry, coiling fingers around his thoughts, digging and twisting because it resonates and it resonates HARD.]

[He expected bad, he prepared for bad, he prrpared to be hurt and angry for Rean, he didn't expect the way two voices scream in his head.]

[He grabs Rean, desperate for an anchor, a scream tearing out from his throat as he hopes it vents what's in his mind.]

Oh hm bad.

Rean wraps his arms around Dusk, holding him tightly, the kind of gently confining pressure that usually helps panicking animals. If Dusk lashes out that's fine, this is a part that's hard to hurt.

But there is... Calm in him, if Dusk doesn't outright reject it there's a sort of soothing pressure to his embrace. Not suppressing emotions, but projecting safety

"..."

[He doesn't lash out. Not for this. He's not as lost as he was after he took Article 12, at least not in the way that makes him afraid of those around him.]

[No, he needs grounding, he needs comfort, and a human presence is that. He may be holding on too tightly, but he is holding on, leaning into the comfort as he screams and breathes harshly, trying to get all that's in his head OUT, trying to calm the storm, and get himself together.]

[But safety....]

[Safety helps.]

[He's never had a lot of safety.]

He's held onto and Rean's fine no matter how tight he clings. He pets his back, slow soothing circles. Calming. Safe. The landscape may be pretty bleak but even the howling winds seem to die for now, letting Dusk's screams be muffled into Rean's shoulder or tossed to the emptiness, but either way he's not letting go of Dusk for now.

"You're all right. You're safe."

[It]

[Takes a few minutes]

[The screams die down first, then the harsh breathing, and then the shaking that had started at some point. The last part is putting the pieces of his head back where they go because....fuck.]

That...

That hit a lot harder than I was expecting...

Which is saying something, I expected a truck.

[Breathless and quiet.]

He pets Dusk's back and hair still, soothing and calm. Just a little chagrined.

"Yeah, I see that. I'm sorry."

Even he didn't anticipate that. He's keeping hold of Dusk though, gentle and concerned.

"Take your time."

[He shakes his head.] I asked you to do it. I'll be fine. Just....

Takes a bit longer than normal for my fine, that's all.

Well he keeps hold of Dusk, back to those slow circles on his back.

"I'm not surprised. You have a lot to deal with."

To be fair, that's probably why I can deal with a lot.

You have a lot to deal with too.

"Such is life, it seems."

Unfortunately.

[There is a long few minutes he's just gonna. Sit here. Letting himself calm down. Process All That because that sucked a lot.]

[Then he looks up at Rean.]

[And then he's gonna shit and pull him into a proper hug instead of his clinging, shaking thing.]

Oh. He adjusts to this proper hugging, no longer patting Dusk's back but still holding him warmly.

"Sometimes fortunately."

Doesn't mean I don't want to help with the bad stuff.

Let's be fair, you want to make my bad stuff better too.

"As much as I can, yes."

I know. At least I think being there helps.

I mean, getting adopted by a bunch of probably insane substandard soldiers did wonders for my mental health.

"I think it does too.

Family can be a strange thing that way. Comforting and bizarre and uplifting and what you make of it."

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