Aurora - Rean Heart

[awakenerd]

You float in a void--darkness around you, above, below, in every direction, nothing. You stand on nothing, you even breathe nothing. But you do not feel in danger, you are not suffocating. You are simply existing in… Nothing.

Crow | Towa | Dusk | 80H | Rufus

Comments

[crimeson]

[he is so devastatingly turned on right now.]

Tell me what you want.

[awakenerd]

"...I mean, I do want you. I always do. I love you a lot. And you're beautiful, handsome, charming....

But it's not really about what I want either. I mean, not that--it's not about what I want. But... Right now everything here is me. Except for you, and a few others here right now. So--What I want is to respond to what you want to do, whatever that is."

[crimeson]

[...reaches out to take his hand, full of warmth and love and fondness.]

I love you too. But I'm too easy. I want so much. So I do best when I'm pointed in a direction, y'know? Right now I want you, and I have you, so you should tell me what you want me to do with you.

[awakenerd]

Squeezing his hand.

"You do have me.

You wanted a list...

You can do, um, anything. The things you were just thinking of, or anything else of that nature.

You can go talk to the other people in here. The real ones, or the ones that are part of me.

If you want to know something I can tell you or you can ask someone else. If you want to view something I can let you.

You can see what happens if you just try to look around. I wouldn't call it organized exactly, but just based on your whims and moods there's places you can go or places that will appear. All parts of "me" but in--symbolic ways I guess. Or parts of me that try to reflect parts of you.

I can give you more details on any part of this if you're interested."

[crimeson]

[it feels like Rean is dodging telling Randy what he wants!!!! but he'll let it slide for now.]

You're really flexible... Who else is in here right now?

[awakenerd]

He might be. Randy could ask again but for now he's answering!

"Aside from you, there Rufus, Towa, Crow, Dusk and 80H."

[crimeson]

[mmmmm

gonna try and trust rufus and 80H not to fuck shit up as best he can. the rest will be fine for sure.]

Okay. What did you mean by "view"? Like, memories?

[awakenerd]

"Memories, my thoughts, my impressions of people or events. Either directly or filtered."

[crimeson]

[suddenly desperately wants to know Rean's impression of him

but that also sounds like a violation of privacy, maybe??? not that just being here already isn't...

maybe don't, Randy.]

Oookay.

[DISTRACTION TACTIC]

Can I suck you off now?

[awakenerd]

FLUSTERED.

"Y-you can have both!"

[crimeson]

So I'll eat you out too!

[awakenerd]

"I meant, my impression of you...."

He's dying Randy.

"We can also have sex? It's not... limited.... You have access to all my heart, Randy. Not just because you're here. I don't mind if you look at things. But you do belong here--you're in no small way part of me. If you're more literally in my soul than usual it's... kind of nice I guess."

[crimeson]

...If it's okay, then. I don't... wanna pry?

[but Rean is pretty much saying he can do whatever and that's both extremely charming and slightly worrying.]

Don't do anything uncomfortable, okay? You can always say 'hey Randy don't do that'.

[awakenerd]

"I'll warn you if I think something might mess me up. But I don't see anything wrong with you indulging whatever curiosity you have.

Randy you're literally connected to my soul at all times. My life and yours are bound. And I trust you. You don't have to worry as much as you are, even if I appreciate the sentiment. Trust yourself a little.

If you want to look through my feelings for you, or try to wander around you can. I'm okay with it. If you want to have wild sex you could only have in a place where imagination can make anything real, we can do that too. I want you to feel comfortable wanting what you actually want."

[crimeson]

...

[squeezes his hand]

All right. I'll try an' stop holding back so much. Can you show me, then? How you feel about me?

[awakenerd]

"Do you want to experience it or read it?"

[crimeson]

...Experience it, I think.

[it'll be harder to deny then, and he knows himself]

[awakenerd]

He takes Randy's hand, lifts it to his his chest, and places it over his heart.

Randy's probably used to feeling things from Rean, including affection. But now, he feels... As Rean. He can see, just a bit, himself through Rean's eyes.

Tall and strong and handsome, sure. But with such a core of kindness and gentleness that it takes Rean's breath away. A guy who doesn't love himself when he deserves all the love in the world. Someone funny, and smart, and amazing. Someone he trusts. Someone he loves, deeply.

And Rean worries about hurting him, and wishes he could remember him better. But those are minor compared to just enjoying Randy's company right now, in how they know each other now.

He doesn't see Randy as perfect. There's no idealization. But he does see him as wonderful. He wants to protect Randy, and he wants to rely on Randy too. That's just what you do with someone you love, right?

He feels very lucky that Randy loves him, he marvels at it sometimes. He's grateful for Randy. Of course there's also the parts of him that are horny for Randy! There's plenty of physical appreciation and desire but it's just part of it. Part of being incredibly into this guy in front of him.

[crimeson]

[It's hard to take that. Even feeling it directly, part of him wants to deny it, but he puts that in a stranglehold swiftly and pulls Rean into his arms.]

Fuck.

[awakenerd]

He wraps his arms around Randy and pets his back, there there.

"You okay?"

[crimeson]

Yeah. I love you.

[awakenerd]

Flustered and happy to hear it.

"I live you too. If you couldn't tell."

[crimeson]

I try t'remember.

I LIVE YOU

[awakenerd]

"How do I make that easier?"

I LIVE YOU TOO!

[crimeson]

I don't... it's not because of you?

[kissing his cheek]

It's my own problem.