Hiryuu: Don't be. Hiryuu: At least, no for me than for yourself or Yasuragi or Raijuu--or anyone else that was affected. Hiryuu: We were all hurt by this. Hiryuu: I am sorry though that we didn't get you into the room after everything happened though. You should have had the opportunity to be there too. Hiryuu: When we get him back, it'll be different next time. I promise.
[ a small pause. ]
Hiryuu: I'm sorry to hear about Oni. Hiryuu: Silk seems to be taking it very hard. I imagine Boss is as well. You, too. Hiryuu: If there's something I can do for you or your unit now or in the future, let me know.
Ogre: Seriously you're so hard on yourself Ogre: Stop it. Ogre: You're not responsible for everything, it's not on you to predict everything. Ogre: It's okay.
[ maybe SHE'S NOT HARD ENOUGH!!!!! legit though it's hard not to feel personally responsible for this when she has a pretty strong feeling that like. whatever reason they're here, it's something to do with something her.
maybe it's not time to go into that right now though. ]
Ogre: I know you're having a rough time Ogre: And it feels like, if you're responsible, you could change the things that suck Ogre: I had this conversation recently. Ogre: But wanting to have power over bad situations so you feel like you have the chance to change future situations isn't that healthy for yourself, and doesn't really change things except putting more pressure on you.
[ deep, deep sigh. SHE IS KIND OF TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHE HAS TO DEFEND HER FEELINGS. but okay.
there's. gonna be a lot of "hiryuu is typing" messages and each of the following texts come through slowly, as she struggles to communicate her perspective. ]
Hiryuu: I don't really want to argue with you about this, but I need you to understand where I'm coming from. Hiryuu: Shuten is one of my people, metaphorically and realistically. Hiryuu: He was born in the kingdom that my father ruled and allowed to be horribly mistreated due to my father's negligence. Hiryuu: And he may not be blood of mine, but he's as much my family as my own blood relatives. Hiryuu: I promised, even before we knew all of that, back in the very beginning, that I would do my best to keep him safe. Hiryuu: I failed to keep my word to him. And there's a strong possibility I'm responsible for his even being here in the first place. Hiryuu: It's not that I want to think unhealthily or that I want to unnecessarily burden myself. Hiryuu: But this is a part of who I am and my role in the world.
Ogre: If any of us had a say in this situation, if this were a place we weren't all just most likely to be kidnapped victims, I'd call those ideals admirable and strong-willed. Ogre: Here? Ogre: Where we have no agency in our situation? Ogre: I really can't understand where you're coming from or what role you're talking about.
part of this is just deep-seated intuition based on memories that. she lacks, but also has a bit of a basis for. ]
Hiryuu: I have a habit of finding trouble. Hiryuu: And when I don't, it finds me. Hiryuu: If I was kidnapped first, I'm sure the others got involved to rescue me. Hiryuu: Or I may have been responsible for whatever it was that attracted the Producer's attention in the first place.
[ a pause, and then ]
Hiryuu: I understand if that sounds crazy. Hiryuu: It wouldn't be the first time someone told me I wasn't in touch with reality because of my past experiences. Hiryuu: But it's how I feel. Hiryuu: And I don't really feel comfortable delving any deeper into it right now.
Hiryuu: Not wanting to talk about myself anymore after making so much of the conversation about me, I guess. Hiryuu: I don't feel like I've been a very good girlfriend so far.
[ bad person feels are just. running so high today at every turn. ]
Ogre: This has nothing to do with boyfriend and girlfriend anything Ogre: It matters because you matter Ogre: I just worry you don't feel like you do. Ogre: But it's okay not to feel like talking about it.
Ogre: Not just to me. Ogre: You matter as a person. Ogre: I don't know how to say this over text I guess. Just... I think you're kind and sweet and brave and a little too hard-working in a sense. Your feelings are important just because you're you and you exist. The fact that you strive to be a good person and responsible is praiseworthy, but your good traits are just that. What matters is you, just you, as a living person with feelings and thoughts. Praise and admiration aside, you could be terrible and you'd still matter. Ogre: Any way I word this feels a little off. I don't want to minimize what makes you admirable at all. Ogre: Or any of the work you put in to being strong, and kind, and helpful. Ogre: And I guess I didn't want to make you keep talking about any of this when you're already tired of it, sorry.
[ there's a pause between the time he sends all that and when he gets the next one. not because she's angry. but he made her cry a little just now. and not bad tears. ]
Hiryuu: It's fine. You don't need to be sorry. Hiryuu: I think I understood what you meant anyway. Hiryuu: It was really nice.
[ and it means a lot to her even if there's a part of her isn't sure she's supposed to matter as a person.]
Ogre: I'm glad. Ogre: Anyway I actually wanted to know if you want to come over? I'm inviting the people I'm dating and Loki, just for card games and hot cocoa, not for all night or anything, but it'd be fun? If you feel like it.
[ everyone he's dating--and loki? ... well. on the one hand, that seems a little strange. on the other hand, loki is a Good Boy and she's glad more people are appreciating him and making friends with him! so. that's quickly shuffled out of the way. ]
Hiryuu: I can come. Hiryuu: Well maybe. Hiryuu: Is it some kind of special occasion? Hiryuu: I'm already in my pajamas, but I can put on my robes, if that's acceptable.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Ogre: I'm really sorry.
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Hiryuu: At least, no for me than for yourself or Yasuragi or Raijuu--or anyone else that was affected.
Hiryuu: We were all hurt by this.
Hiryuu: I am sorry though that we didn't get you into the room after everything happened though. You should have had the opportunity to be there too.
Hiryuu: When we get him back, it'll be different next time. I promise.
[ a small pause. ]
Hiryuu: I'm sorry to hear about Oni.
Hiryuu: Silk seems to be taking it very hard. I imagine Boss is as well. You, too.
Hiryuu: If there's something I can do for you or your unit now or in the future, let me know.
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Ogre: Stop it.
Ogre: You're not responsible for everything, it's not on you to predict everything.
Ogre: It's okay.
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maybe it's not time to go into that right now though. ]
Hiryuu: I'll work on it.
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Ogre: And it feels like, if you're responsible, you could change the things that suck
Ogre: I had this conversation recently.
Ogre: But wanting to have power over bad situations so you feel like you have the chance to change future situations isn't that healthy for yourself, and doesn't really change things except putting more pressure on you.
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there's. gonna be a lot of "hiryuu is typing" messages and each of the following texts come through slowly, as she struggles to communicate her perspective. ]
Hiryuu: I don't really want to argue with you about this, but I need you to understand where I'm coming from.
Hiryuu: Shuten is one of my people, metaphorically and realistically.
Hiryuu: He was born in the kingdom that my father ruled and allowed to be horribly mistreated due to my father's negligence.
Hiryuu: And he may not be blood of mine, but he's as much my family as my own blood relatives.
Hiryuu: I promised, even before we knew all of that, back in the very beginning, that I would do my best to keep him safe.
Hiryuu: I failed to keep my word to him. And there's a strong possibility I'm responsible for his even being here in the first place.
Hiryuu: It's not that I want to think unhealthily or that I want to unnecessarily burden myself.
Hiryuu: But this is a part of who I am and my role in the world.
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Ogre: Here?
Ogre: Where we have no agency in our situation?
Ogre: I really can't understand where you're coming from or what role you're talking about.
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part of this is just deep-seated intuition based on memories that. she lacks, but also has a bit of a basis for. ]
Hiryuu: I have a habit of finding trouble.
Hiryuu: And when I don't, it finds me.
Hiryuu: If I was kidnapped first, I'm sure the others got involved to rescue me.
Hiryuu: Or I may have been responsible for whatever it was that attracted the Producer's attention in the first place.
[ a pause, and then ]
Hiryuu: I understand if that sounds crazy.
Hiryuu: It wouldn't be the first time someone told me I wasn't in touch with reality because of my past experiences.
Hiryuu: But it's how I feel.
Hiryuu: And I don't really feel comfortable delving any deeper into it right now.
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Hiryuu: And sorry.
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last on for the night this time i swear
Hiryuu: I don't feel like I've been a very good girlfriend so far.
[ bad person feels are just. running so high today at every turn. ]
Re: last on for the night this time i swear
Ogre: It matters because you matter
Ogre: I just worry you don't feel like you do.
Ogre: But it's okay not to feel like talking about it.
Re: last on for the night this time i swear
Re: last on for the night this time i swear
Ogre: You matter as a person.
Ogre: I don't know how to say this over text I guess. Just... I think you're kind and sweet and brave and a little too hard-working in a sense. Your feelings are important just because you're you and you exist. The fact that you strive to be a good person and responsible is praiseworthy, but your good traits are just that. What matters is you, just you, as a living person with feelings and thoughts. Praise and admiration aside, you could be terrible and you'd still matter.
Ogre: Any way I word this feels a little off. I don't want to minimize what makes you admirable at all.
Ogre: Or any of the work you put in to being strong, and kind, and helpful.
Ogre: And I guess I didn't want to make you keep talking about any of this when you're already tired of it, sorry.
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Hiryuu: It's fine. You don't need to be sorry.
Hiryuu: I think I understood what you meant anyway.
Hiryuu: It was really nice.
[ and it means a lot to her
even if there's a part of her isn't sure she's supposed to matter as a person.]no subject
Ogre: Anyway I actually wanted to know if you want to come over? I'm inviting the people I'm dating and Loki, just for card games and hot cocoa, not for all night or anything, but it'd be fun? If you feel like it.
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Hiryuu: I can come.
Hiryuu: Well maybe.
Hiryuu: Is it some kind of special occasion?
Hiryuu: I'm already in my pajamas, but I can put on my robes, if that's acceptable.
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Ogre: Whatever you want is fine.
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